I have long struggled with the idea of femininity, and how to express myself in the way that truly makes sense to me. In a definition essay on gender expression written originally for AP Lang, I expand upon the ideas of gender norms and how femininity and masculinity fit into that construct, as well as the ways in which such standards have progressed and regressed over the span of my lifetime. While this essay did not receive top marks, I am still proud of the message it spreads. 

Who Are You

     The question, “what am I?”, generally referring to one’s sex, does not equate to the question “who am I?”. The difference between these two phrases is the internal recognition of one’s identity and how one can express their idea of their existence. In western society, many people associate their gender with their sex, two separate functions of oneself which, while correlating with each other, are not synonymous. Gender is a person’s heart and internal expression, a malleable construct. Sex, however, is the biologically defined characteristics of one’s self. One is not the other. Nonetheless, it is seen as such in traditional society, a place where progress is all but abundant and customs are upheld. A biological male is a male. A biological female is a female. There is no in between. 

     As a young person in the LGBTQ+ community, I have had numerous instances when I questioned my being or how I tend to express myself. With that internal confusion came numerous changes to my clothing, my hair, my vernacular, and even my pronouns, with which I continue to experiment what makes me feel comfortable. In my community, such changes are seen as completely normal and healthy when it comes to finding one’s expression and identity. We have established that we are fluid and ever changing entities, which is expected and encouraged. But for every positive is a negative, who, in this instance, are the traditionalist thinkers of the world. They see the world in black and white, which only allows them to see the polars rather than the in between. Men are physically stronger and unemotional, while women are simply domestic beings, a general concept that has been instilled in every individual from the moment of their birth. 

     As mentioned, we are born into a world with a structured idea of femininity and masculinity that guides us to fit into our social scripts and situations based on the gender we were born into. On one end of the spectrum, the lines separating genders become more blurred, while on the other, such lines become more solid in communities where conventional thinking surrounding gender norms is enforced. Often, individuals who are buried within their inner turmoil find themselves surrounded by such orthodox thinkers, provided with little to no space to discover their true being. Bodies are objectified rather than understood, and individuals are told how to use their mass of flesh to their best advantage rather than allowing people to explore for themselves. The conservative western mindset of gender identity is like a locked pair of handcuffs on the wrists of a human’s free will of expression. 

     While the concept of gender expressive norms has been challenged for the majority of my lifetime, the establishment of such in my life has only recently become relevant. The change of gender norms in the last couple years or so has vastly been encouraged by the use of social media, with various platforms enabling individuals to find others who share the same struggles and internal battles as themselves. Ultimately-- safe spaces, where one could feel accepted and understood. Concepts that were previously bashed upon such as expressing oneself more femininely have since been normalized and encouraged in countless different ways, establishing the fact that clothes have no gender and that everyone should be able to wear the clothes or accessories they feel most comfortable in. With the eradication of gender norms in some spaces, many have found their true selves and a skin they are allowed to be comfortable in. And yet, despite the positivity and acceptance the world has learned to show towards such people, the perseverance of toxicity towards those experimenting with their identity is wholly appalling. With the belief that “there are only males and females”, accompanied with their respective social roles and expectations, the normalcy of fluid gender norms is not widely accepted. Such is the constant battle for the destruction of set gendered expectations. 

     Ultimately, gender roles and expression can be differently defined by each individual who walks this Earth. Traditionalists might say these terms are silly and unnecessary. Gender non-conforming people might see them as their lifetime enemies, in a fight for adrogeny or being identified correctly without the possibility of having to argue the validity of their existence. Personally, I define gender expression in my life as a journey of experimenting by changing my lifestyle to find myself and what I find to be true for my own experience in life. The voyage of finding a comfortable form of self-expression is a trek that I believe every individual should go on, rather than only those who feel they were born in the wrong body. After all, a life spent lying to oneself is no life at all. 

Along with finding a comfortable form of expression, it is vital that everyone explores their own femininity to unlock their true self. Femininity in itself is the balance to masculinity, the yin to its yang. Those who refuse to explore that part of themselves will never truly know what it is like to be human.