There are a hundred ways to say

my tits are grotesquely asymmetric

The right stands parallel to the earth

The left droops, a 35º angle to the floor

or

The right is perky, Hollywood nude scene caliber in shape and size

The left needs a push-up bra to cure its affliction

or

The right is a pear

The left is a papaya

or

The right is Lea Seydoux in Blue is the Warmest Color

The left is one of those grizzly old witches in The Witch

or

The right is a tulip

The left is a hydrangea

or

The right is a shumai

The left is a char siu bao

or

The right is a C#6 on a xylophone

The left is an E♭3 on a cello

or

The right is on the Billboard Hot 100

The left is a Wagner aria 

or

The right is the size and shape I wished for at twelve 

when my tits were still tiny enough to be symmetric

And the left is the reality I’m learning to accept 

Fuck it, I’m still going braless